This is My LiveJournal

I made a discovery about myself the other day. I miss Livejournal. So much in fact that I use this for stream of consciousness writing and daily journaling, just like Livejournal, only it never goes live. 

Until today. 

Here's whats been up:

My girl. My dollfaced girl. She's  9 now. 9!

We had the most amazing time at the Great Wolf Lodge with 2 of her good friends. It was maybe the most fun and freedom she has ever had. She got to run the place with her 2 friends, as long as they stayed together. 

It was fun to see how girls operate at different speeds and different comfort levels. I can see how they will be as high schoolers and even as young women. One of my daughter's friends moved very fast. Like superfast, caution to the wind, gogogogo.The other one was very cautious. Very reserved. Very slow.

My girl fits remarkably well between them. She was the glue that kept the group together. Though she really leans more on the side of free spirit, she knew she could not leave her other friend. She would slow the fast friend and encourage the slower friend to move faster. She is getting more and more aware of the needs of others, and their strengths. She has so many innate leadership qualities, and if I just step back a bit they shine through. I am super pleased with that. 

There was also a road trip to western Washington on the day of her birthday. It was cool, except for the unrelenting giggling from the backseat. Fun to see friends at our destination though!

So the very next day after my daughter's birthday is my husband's birthday. 

I took him out to dinner. Then he totaled our car on a foggy mountain road...

He is fine, but we are in the market for a new car now...

Luckily we were well insured so we will see a bit of a return for the car, and are able to put some money down on a new one. 

School starts next week, but we got a letter from the school district basically saying that our school failed to meet the NCLB testing requirements. We get to choose whether we want her to stay in her current school and get tutors if necessary or go to another school. Since she has always tested very well, and has thankfully always excelled academically we are choosing the other school I think.

Lots more has happened as well but it is really just summer stuff. Swimming, playing, events, walking, hiking, exploring, friends,  etc.

I am in such denial that Summer is ending. I haven't even done the school supply shopping...

SUMMER Y U LEAVE ME?!

Berry Picking in the Sunshine.

This was a good day.

It didn't start out that way. 

It started out as many of the most frustrating days do. I had a giant list of things that "needed" to be done, and an overtired toddler who refused any sort of nap time.

I always feel so robbed at this point. Anger rises in me as I realize I will not have the productive day that I had planned, and instead I will spend the day dealing with meltdowns. Mine, or my toddlers. Could go either way.

There is a point on these days where I will still try to get everything done out of habit. Doomed from the start, but somehow I just think " today we will make it work". 

I just can't stop myself, and it ends up pretty catastrophically, at least for me. 

This day, I realized early on, the plans in my head were just not going to happen. My little guy was so grumpy.

 So we went for a drive. That calms us all down sometimes.

We ended up at a Blueberry Farm I had not known about before.

Two of my dudes favorite things. Being outside, and blueberries.

I pulled in.

Instead of fighting it, we changed plans. We chose to make the day a sweet, happy memory instead of a struggle.

 We mostly ran around exploring the acres and acres of blueberry bush aisles, stopping to pick a bit. Seeking shade. Taking photos. A little boy may have been, um,  "sampling" some blueberries out of his bucket.

We only picked about a pint. They had to live in my daughter's bucket to stay safe.

At the checkout the guy just slid the pint back across the counter and said "You can just have it, I think the birds and deer eat more than that in an hour". Yes, free blueberries & a fantastic day in the sunshine. 

Thankful that every day is a fresh new start, and that being open to a change of plans often leads to a better situation.

I also noticed my sweet little girl stepping in where she could help. Without being asked. She is getting so much more aware of the needs of others and I am so thankful I get to be her mom.

Though our blueberries were free this day, I would highly recommend finding a place to pick your own berries. They were only $1.75 per pound + kids LOVE this sort of activity. Win/ win.

Freeze what you won't use within 3 days to prevent waste. Frozen blueberries in greek yogurt is just like dessert!

Don't Grow Up. It's a Trap!

<3

This is a little bit different than what I usually post. It almost feels like what I would write in my Livejournal way back when. It may even be deleted at some point, as it is quite personal. It is about a realization that I had, that adult lifestyle changes and expenses can block our joy and connection.

 I felt compelled to write this up, after this conversation. I hope someone else can relate.

"Remember when we were teenagers?

When we would just hang out?

Remember when we would scrape together just enough cash to get some really cheap food to share by the lake?Or the campground by the river?"

During a recent conversation with an old friend it struck me that I just do not do any of these things with my current friends. Don't get me wrong. I love my current friends.

There has to be a point to a get together now. A birthday, a shopping trip for an occasion, a baby shower.

On most occasions there is wine now. I wish I liked wine. I like stouts and porters. And rum. 

And the food. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Whoever thought, when we were scarfing down oatmeal creme pies as teenagers that we would ever judge and be judged by how organic, locally sourced, free range, fair trade, gluten & gmo free the appetizers were.

It has become all too elaborate.

 When we make plans to get together with friends, it is to do something. Structured. Something entertaining. Something that will distract us from each other. Something that usually involves a gaggle of kids and all the patience we can manage so that we can attempt an adult conversation whilst being interrupted at least once per sentence.

Even at the playground it often feels like we are lifeguards at a very busy pool. Trying to keep everyone alive. Eyes catching every flail of a little limb, every sputter, every argument,  every possible slip and fall.

It is exhausting, and it is the reality of being the parent of active toddlers.

Relationships fade away, while new ones grow. Often the more accepting people in our lives, the ones who understand the struggles of this position in our life cycle, they are the only ones we call when we are in need.

 Many times it is too exhausting  to pretend you aren't exhausted in another person's company, so you pass it up altogether.

The last time I just hung out with a friend was when my daughter was a toddler. Our husbands were away at war, and we needed each other. We didn't want to be alone,  so we were alone together.

This person became so, so close to my family. Our children were inseparable. We were inseparable.

We were both on a enlistee's military budget, and I was going to school too. Money was tight.

So we would just hang out. I would go over there. She would bring her kiddos over here. We would do nothing. Just talking usually. Not the idle chatter at a moms meetup (I am so not good at those). Real talking.

The talking you do when you were a teenager. Only we were way older, and less melodramatic. It was brilliant.

I still miss my friend. Our circumstances changed, and we changed with them. Our husbands returned from war, and when that happens you try  to resume life from the place you were when they left. Only you can't actually do that because the time has passed very differently for each person. Sometimes it feels like a parallel universe situation.

Our focus returned to our husbands. My attention was also spent trying to find a job after I finished school so my husband could leave the military and go to school himself.

Once I started working full time, of course I could not come over and hang out at 2. I was working.

My friend and I grew apart. Angry words were said. We both felt abandoned I think.
We have not spoken in five years.

I have not felt a connection that strong since.

I can't explain why.

During the recent discussion I mentioned at the beginning of this post, my old friend said she felt so trapped by her budget, saying she could never have fun anymore because it cost too much. She is paying down student loans.  She is struggling. 

We had nothing as teenagers. Only nature, and spare change, and each other.

I wish I was there with her (she is in CA). We would go to the lake at dusk, invite whoever out, start a bonfire, and hang out. 

This was my recommendation to her. I hope she gets to it.

As soon as the weather is not freezing and rainy, I will be doing the same. Now I will do it with more kids, and maybe some (organic, non-GMO, gluten free...) s'mores ingredients.

I don't care how old or 'sophisticated' I get. Hanging out at bonfires will always be fun, and usually free.

So where are you at in your life cycle? Still hanging out? Living the toddler mom life?

More importantly, how do you feel about bonfires?

6/ #48Walks : Yay, Sun!

For the 6th of my 48 Walks we were blessed with a gorgeous sunny day. We drove down south to the Millersylvania State Park. I love this park because it is so close by and child friendly. 

You will need a Discover Pass to visit this park.

I also love that there are many different options on what to do once you get to the park. There are trails, camping, swimming, fishing, and during the warmer months there are boat/kayak/paddle boat rentals.

This walk was actually taken the last day of February.

I still don't have a word, or a phrase for what I am figuratively walking towards. Maybe it should be clarity? 

I'm not really worried about it. It will come in good time.

Right now I am just so enjoying the last of our Winter woods, and anticipating Springtime. 

Now on to the magic.

Quotes and Motivation: Invincible Summer

I took this picture on Mt. Rainier last year. 

 While we have had a much drier Winter than usual, rain is in the forecast for the next 9 days. I have finally made peace with the rain, and even found peace IN the rain.  I still find I have to be careful here, and this is a quote I often refer back to. 

It reminds me the light will return. It's already on it's way!

 Ir reminds me how thankful I am for the gift of vivid imagination. I can always recall the glow of a Summer day spent on the water, or a crisp Spring morning in the forest when the Earth is just waking up from Winter. I can even plan for future days spent in similar ways. 

Until then, I will focus on that bright center of my brain that knows the promise of longer days full of warmth is kept, and always believes that the best is yet to come. 

+ Gratitude and mindfulness go a long way!

What is your favorite uplifting quote?

Quotes and Motivation: Rich.

Priorities and perspective. 

Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.

3 /#48walks : The Sequalitchew Trail

This trail was a brand new adventure for us. This Super Bowl Sunday, despite grumbles from the boys, I wanted to go for a hike. I needed to be outside today. Ever feel that way? We can be great friends!

I chose the Sequalitchew Trail since it was super close by and I had never been here before.

This is an excellent trail for kids, and I believe you could easily stroller run on this trail. The lovely wooded walk down the hill is rewarded at the end by an abandoned, grafitti'd railway tunnel (kinda spooky) and immediately beyond that, a gorgeous rocky beach! 

Nearly every stone on this beach in barnacled or mossy.

These #48walks, led by Alison Chino, has been continuous inspiration. We are outside all the time, but this project has absolutely led me to seek out new trails and destinations. There is an accountability factor, but also a gratefulness I feel I must share.

 It took me a long time to make peace with these long, grey winters.

 I want to share the beauty of these forests while I am here, no matter which season we find ourselves in.

Today we were blessed with a beautiful, cold, early February day hike.  Then we scrambled (a.k.a. ran uphill all the way back to the car) to catch the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl. Pretty amazing day if you ask me!

Quotes and Motivation: Travel

A reminder. 

Quotes and Motivation

 

 

Just go for it! Even if the outcome isn't exactly as you planned it, it will probably be way better than if you do nothing.